IV. Beneath the Surface






I. 

 

September 19, 2013 was a slow day at work.  I had been doing some research on the first people to live in my current house back in the 1930s, and decided to look up a Kent County News story of an incident concerning the builder’s father.  I was following a trail whose steps I no longer remember, gathering facts that seem trivial now, which gave my mind some mild entertainment in the form of eavesdropping on the past.  I found the article I was looking for, detailing an incident of the builder’s father as a teenager, getting into a fistfight with a former teacher on the street, back in the spring of 1883.  Typical Kent County stuff, maybe.  I dropped a dime into the machine and printed out the page, as my eyes scanned the other headlines on the page, headed with the date of publication May 17, 1883.  “The strawberry season is not far off.”  “The Sale of Bellevue.”  And then:  

  

A MADMAN’S TRAGIC ACT. 

KILLING HIS INTIMATE FRIEND. 

REVOLVER AND KNIFE BOTH EMPLOYED. 

Charles R. White Shot Down by Charles E. Hanson while the Former was Making a Call on the Latter at His Home. 

[Reported for the Baltimore Sun.] 

 

Interesting.  I read on:  “Mr. Charles R. White, of Howard Co., was shot and instantly killed on Wednesday by Mr. Charles Edward Hanson, an intimate friend and neighbor.”  Howard County, my home county on the western shore.  Wait.  I know these people! 

 

 

II. 

 

Elkridge, Maryland is my hometown.  Twenty or more years ago, you may never have heard of it, but that has changed as its popularity has risen as a convenient commuter town.  Located directly on the US Route 1 corridor between Baltimore and Washington, DC, the face it shows to most people is one composed of strip shopping centers, convenience stores, car dealerships, and the occasional vintage motel with antique signage.  On the southeastern side of this main artery are undulating streets lined with homes built during the last one hundred years or so, leading down to some of the oldest established railroad line in the country, and the Patapsco River.  On the west, another winding road leads up into what used to be farmland, later became  threaded with neighborhoods tucked off into the woods and hills, from which other, newer branches now extend with smaller, more expensive, densely-packed, tree-deprived properties. 

 

Growing up, I lived in one of the older of these wooded neighborhoods.  At my high school, Elkridge was falsely stereotyped as the domain of rednecks and working-class families, typified by the auto-shop boys with Confederate flag stickers adorning their muscle cars, its string of Route 1 motels and trailer parks, and the only outdoor motorcycle bar in the state.  It was, in fact, a regular small town filled with all kinds of people and families, many of whom had roots in the town going back for generations. 

 

Although the Elkridge of my youth was an unpretentious place, looking on the surface like a thousand other pass-through towns in the crowded mid-Atlantic, it is in fact the oldest settlement in what is now Howard County, dating to about 1700.  Once part of Anne Arundel County, which at that time extended from the Chesapeake Bay to the fall line, Elkridge was once an international port, with ocean-going vessels docking regularly just below the spot where US Route 1 crosses the Patapsco into Baltimore County.  Its main exports were tobacco and iron, the latter from a series of mines, forges, and furnaces established in the area by the Dorsey family, the first family to settle and spread their properties out upon the Ridge between the Patapsco and Patuxent Rivers. 

 

Those of us who grew up in Elkridge, especially thirty or more years ago when it was a much smaller and more intimate community, were taught the details of its history before we left elementary school.  We also knew about the secret treasures hidden away in the woods and lanes of the area:  the Thomas Viaduct, the oldest and largest curved multi-arched railroad bridge in the country, still in use; the Russian cemetery; the ruins of one of the Dorsey furnaces in Patapsco State Park; and the isolated foundations of the home of Colonel Charles Marshall, Robert E. Lee’s traveling secretary throughout the Civil War.  This last landmark was far up in the woods behind my house, and a favorite destination of my sisters and me, where we collected evergreens at Christmastime and daffodils in the spring, in the buried remnants of the old formal gardens, nearly a mile from the nearest house but close to the noise of traffic from Interstate 95.  And then, there was the most special place of all.  Belmont, the hidden heart of the community, in the most isolated spot of all, tucked away in the green jewel box of its 80 acres, nestled far from the nearest road, in the protective arms of the State Park.  Belmont had been the home of the Dorsey family, the massive landholders and proprietors of the iron furnaces and forges, first founders of this community on the Ridge, and later, the Hanson family, of which Charles Edward “Ned” Hanson, who murdered his intimate friend and neighbor on May 16, 1883, was a member. 

 

Belmont was built in the 1730s, and was owned and lived in by Dorseys and their descendants, including the Hansons, for more than two hundred years.  In 1965, it ended its days as a privately-owned estate, and began a new life as a small, exclusive conference center.  Whole families of high school-aged sisters and brothers in Elkridge, including mine, became part of the Belmont family, securing coveted jobs as waitresses and house boys.  I spent nearly ten years working there, from high school until several years after college, in food service, housekeeping, and finally in the offices, sharing the position of Marketing Coordinator with a childhood friend and wife of Belmont’s former executive chef.  People outside of our community knew little to nothing of the existence of this place, with the exception of the lucky groups who came to stay, a large proportion of them connected with Federal and local governments, including foreign dignitaries and even sometimes people important enough to require Secret Service detail.  Belmont’s isolation was one of its chief marketing points. 

 

When you first came to work at Belmont, you were scrupulously trained by the senior generation of staff members in how to deliver the highest quality of service.  These were the motherly women from town who cooked breakfast and lunch every day; the executive chefs, always from “elsewhere,” who had special and entertaining personalities; the gruff, businesslike housekeepers, tending to be past middle age and firmly entrenched in the community; and the grounds and maintenance men who seemed to know everything about the place…and did, since they lived in houses right on the property.  Precision, perfection, discretion, and courtesy, doing things “the Belmont way” were required in all aspects of food and beverage service and housekeeping. 

 

Fortunately, it was not only an interesting place to work, but a companionable place, with coworkers feeling like family members and, after a while, the house feeling like home.  Very soon after you completed your first shift, as you relaxed in the staff room after dinner with your coworkers, you began to hear the stories, legends, and rumors about the house, and the people who had lived and visited there. 

 

As new employees in the 1980s, my friends and I all heard about the Dorseys during those staff room storytelling sessions.  Caleb Dorsey, the builder, met his wife Priscilla while fox hunting in the area, and their initials are still carved in stone beside the front door.  Another Priscilla Dorsey, their granddaughter, eloped with Alexander Contee Hanson, a congressman and later a senator who was nearly killed in a Baltimore riot at the beginning of the war of 1812.  Guests to the home during this time included Henry Clay, statesman and Speaker of the House, who had a favorite chair beside the fireplace in the drawing room.  It was after Alexander Hanson’s untimely death from his lasting injuries in 1819 that the estate fell upon hard times. 

 

If you were to consult local history sources or books containing descriptions of colonial homes in the region, you might notice that in most histories of Belmont, the years between 1819 and 1913 are barely mentioned, or condensed into one or two lines:  “Hanson’s son Grosvenor enjoyed gambling, and the estate was nearly lost.  In 1913, two of Grosvenor’s nine children, now both old ladies, resided at the decrepit mansion on the hill,” or something along those lines.  Yet, every member of the Hanson family--- Priscilla and the Senator, their son Grosvenor and his wife Annie Maria, the latters’ nine children who had lived to adulthood, as well as four more children who died in infancy, or young--- is buried in the old cemetery at the edge of the woods beyond the formal gardens, surrounded by a wrought-iron fence. 

 

The tales and rumors told in the staff room of this part of the house’s history were darker, and began to intersect with the countless stories of employees and guests who claim to have experienced strange events and even seen uncanny things while staying or working at the house.  It was rumored that one of the families who lived in the house had a son who was either crazy, monstrous, or had severe developmental disabilities, and he was often locked in the room in the cellar where the extra chairs are kept.  This is the same room in the basement where two employees from the phone company were servicing the telephone connections in the early 1990s, when they suddenly left without completing the job, telling the manager on duty that they wouldn’t be returning.  There was something very wrong down there, they said, and it didn’t involve the phone lines.  None of Belmont’s employees liked going into the basement, which was built of local stone and multichambered, running the length of the five sections of the house. 

 

We were told that somebody was once shot on the front porch because he had borrowed his cousin’s horse without permission.  This is the same area of the house that is featured in Belmont’s “official” ghost story, published in several places, of a phantom coach which drives up the circular drive and stops at the front door, horses stamping, while an invisible person stomps up the porch steps, enters the house, and marches toward the kitchen wing.  I’ve never met a person who has experienced this official phenomenon, although a friend of a friend’s mother heard it one night many decades ago.  Instead, kitchen employees were plagued with trays of glasses that smashed while safely stored in glass-fronted cupboards, carefully counted silverware and plates which disappear and reappear in a few minutes’ time, mysteriously exploding wine containers, a strange ‘mist’ which hovers about the dining room chandelier after the lights are extinguished, and other frustrating events which seem to escalate when especially important guests are in residence.  Objects have even been seen flying across the dining room by employees working alone (me,) with both doors to the room closed.   

 

A woman wearing white has often been seen, usually appearing as a real, solid woman clad in Victorian clothing, in a particular bedroom by more than one guest, or setting quietly in the corner of an adjoining bedroom by an employee who was checking the rooms one evening before the arrival of an important group.  She may be the same person whose misty, white-clad form was seen on several occasions standing at a small bridge over a stream in the early morning hours. 

 

 

III. 

 

September 26, 2013, a week after my discovery in the Kent County News, I took the time to contact several of my fellow former Belmont friends, with whom I’ve never lost touch.  I couldn’t wait to tell them that by pure chance, I had stumbled upon an incredible story that filled in many of the lost details of the scraps of history we had heard about the troubled years of our former workplace.  After finding the article about the May 1883 murder in the Kent County News, I consulted the Baltimore Sun from the same time period, where I found a series of articles describing, in true Victorian fashion, full details of the murder, inquest, funeral of the deceased, testimonies of both families, and Ned Hanson’s trial.  Along with census records of the decades leading up to and following the murder, these articles helped me piece together a strange, sad story of this family who had lived at the heart of our community a hundred years before any of us had been born, in the very house that, in retrospect, had played a huge part in our coming of age, early adulthoods, and for some of us, even in the formation of our own families.  What’s more, the story oddly lined up in certain places with some of the strange, unexplained phenomena for which the house had become known. 

 

The murder was not the result of an argument about a horse, as we had always been told.  The truth was much less comfortable. 

 

At the time of the murder, several Hanson siblings, all adults, were living at Belmont.  Mrs. Hanson had died ten years earlier.  Her husband, in the years following her death, had allowed the property to fall into disrepair.  What’s more, he had altogether ceased maintaining the family cemetery, superstitiously believing that doing so would hasten his own death.  This seemed to work for him for a few years only; he had passed away three years earlier.  Living at the house in 1883 were Priscilla Hanson, age 37; Charles Edward “Ned” Hanson, age 35; Grosvenor Hanson, age 27; Annie “Nannie” Hanson, age 25; and Florence Hanson, age 23.  Three other brothers lived and did business in Baltimore.  

 

According to Ned Hanson’s own testimony at court proceedings, the spirit of his sister Mary, who had died when he was fifteen years old, had appeared to him.  She warned him to be on his guard against Charles Ridgely White, who was prepared, she said, to shoot him on sight.  Furthermore, he testified that ten years earlier, he had received similar instructions from his mother at her death, although she had revealed that Mr. White was responsible for the death of this same sister, and she instructed him to take revenge.  Oddly, though, Ned had not even been present at his mother’s deathbed.  It seems that 20th century employees were not the first to be treated to ghostly visitations at Belmont. 

 

Reports of the court proceedings state that at a little before noon on May 16, 1883, Charles Ridgely White drove to Belmont to see Ned in order to get some seed corn.  With him in his carriage were one of his daughters and a female cousin who was visiting from Washington.  White was then living on one of his properties, Tutbury, adjacent to the Belmont property and only a mile distant.  Their families had been great friends for a long time and were, in fact, related.  When Mr. White arrived at Belmont on May 16, only Priscilla and Annie were at home.  Shortly thereafter, Ned Hanson entered the house from another entrance, and learned that Mr. White had come to call.  He then walked into the dining room and picked up a bread knife which was lying on the sideboard.  He crossed the room and walked out onto the front porch, stepping down to where Mr. White stood talking to his sisters.  As he did so, he pulled out a pistol and fired three shots at Mr. White, all of which found their mark.  He then rushed at the body, cutting a 4-inch gash in the throat with the bread knife, partially severing the windpipe.  He then walked calmly back into the house, through the dining room and into the kitchen, where he washed the blood from the knife, returning it to its place on the sideboard.  He then retired to his room, and waited for his brothers John and Grosvenor to return from Baltimore. 

 

Mr. White’s body was carried into the house.  A jury of local lawyers and physicians was assembled, and an inquest and post-mortem examination were held at the house that evening. 

 

Ned’s family had been uneasy about his mental state ever since he had returned from California in the 1870s.  After a subsequent attack of sunstroke, he had suffered occasional hallucinations and paranoid delusions that he was being followed by a party of men determined to kill him.  Testimony given at the courthouse said that he was generally an intelligent person, friendly and personable, fond of a joke and a great storyteller.  Prior to this incident, he had never been violent, although he had been known to have explosive fits of temper during discussions of politics.  It was also noted during the investigation that Ned’s sister Priscilla, a little over a year older than him and one of the witnesses of the murder, had long suffered from periods of “madness.”  Because his behavior at the time of the murder was uncharacteristic, and because of the lack of a solid, earthly motive for the deed, it was determined at the inquest and at the formal trial in Ellicott City that although Ned had killed Charles R. White, he was not responsible by reason of insanity. 

 

Charles Edward “Ned” Hanson, in June, 1883, was committed to the Maryland Hospital for the Insane, now Spring Grove, in Catonsville.  He remained there until his death in 1931 at the age of 83. 

 

A few years later, sometime prior to 1900, his sister Priscilla was also committed to the Maryland Hospital for the Insane.  As noted earlier, Ned and Priscilla, along with their parents, grandparents, and ten brothers and sisters, are now laid to rest in the Hanson family burial ground at Belmont.  Every last one of the siblings had died unmarried, with no descendants to mourn them. 

 

 

IV.  

 

When I think of Ned’s reported movements on the afternoon of May 16, 1883, I can’t help but notice that his footsteps crossed and recrossed the dining room and kitchen, as he retrieved, washed, and replaced the bread knife he employed as one of his murder weapons.  This is the same area of the house prone to unexplainable disturbances involving glasses, dishes, and silverware.  Could Ned be the disturbed person who had spent so much time in that basement room, and still made everyone who visited the cellar uncomfortable?  I can’t help but wonder, if there is such a thing as a spiritual manifestation, whether the woman in white who was sometimes seen and felt on the upper floor is Mary Hanson, Ned’s sister.  Or perhaps she is their mother, Annie Maria, the mother of a dozen children who either died young, died insane, or merely witnessed the downfall of their family’s fortune as they grew old.   

 

And I can’t help but wonder if there is some kind of link between insanity and paranormal phenomena, whether a fragile psyche is more permeable to other layers of time, more susceptible to glimpses of what has gone on before, or is just less guarded against these perceptions.  I wonder, then, what it means when some of us are witnesses to what appear to be attempts by deceased people to communicate.  I wonder if some locations are inherently more ‘thin’ than others, existing independent of linear time, with layers of time blending and intersecting in a way that sometimes becomes perceptible to those who visit.  My Belmont friends wonder, too. 

 

 

 

V. 

 

Belmont is now owned by the County, and after a thorough restoration effort, has once again opened its doors to the public as a nature preserve and conference center, hosting parties and weddings in its graciously appointed rooms and formal gardens.  There are more places like Belmont that haven’t yet been paved over, where the layers of time and history are sometimes made visible to those who visit.  Their histories are still known by those acquainted with old Elkridge, who grow older and fewer as time passes and more houses and roads are built, and more and more new people move in.  Beneath the surface, the old Elkridge is still there.  Underneath the known histories, beyond the bits of “official” lore, are the remains of flesh-and-blood people whose real stories have been all but forgotten.  The layers of time are just waiting to be peeled back, their secrets to reveal, for those willing to stop and look, before all traces are gone. 



Author's note:  This piece was written for a writing class I took in the summer of 2015, based on a project I had been working on for a couple of years.  For me, this is still an "open case...", an unfinished story of events not entirely known or understood.  "The Howard County Tragedy," also in this blog, is a later version of this piece.  I think I prefer this one.

In 2020, I shared this piece, its postscript, and some photos and research notes with someone working on a book of Howard County ghost stories, published in the summer of 2022.  She used it as a source and this blog is noted in her bibliography. (Shelley Davies Wygant.)

Southern Rights Meeting and Organization of a Troop of Horse in Howard County

[Correspondence of the Baltimore Sun.]
Ellicott's Mills, Md., Dec. 3, 1860.

Southern Rights Meeting and Organization of a Troop of Horse in Howard County.

A meeting of the "solid men" of Elkridge was held last Saturday evening, at "Woodley," one of the estates of J.T.B. Dorsey, Esq., for the purpose of organizing a troop of cavalry.  The meeting was called to order by Wm. H. G. Dorsey, Esq., who nominated Colonel Charles G. Hanson as chairman, and Henry C. Worten as secretary, who were unanimously chosen.  Great enthusiasm and entire unanimity prevailed, and a preamble sympathetic with and declaratory of a firm resolve to stand by the South, followed by a resolution setting forth our grievances, and the unjust aggressions of 
the South, was unanimously adopted.  
The following officers were then elected by acclamation: --- Captain, Wm. H.G. Dorsey; first lieutenant, Benjamin Williams; second lieutenant, C. Ridgely White; third lieutenant, James Mackubin; orderly sergeant, Samuel Brown, and ensign E.A. Talbot.  [The latter gentleman is a son of a gallant ensign in the last war.]  This embryo will form, with Capt. Gaither's troop, the first squadron of the 32d regiment, under the command of Col. Chas. Carroll.
After the nominations gallant and characteristic speeches were made by the officers elect, and cheers were given for the South.--- The "Elkridge Guards" is the name of the troop.  A committee on uniform, horse-equipments and arms was then appointed, and the meeting adjourned.              M.



(The Sun [1837-1994]; Dec 4, 1860; ProQuest Historical Newspapers: The Baltimore Sun pg. 4)



Beachcombing Rules, "Laws", and Guidelines

Wear something with pockets.

Always have something to blow your nose on. 

Tie your hair back so it doesn't block your view if it's windy.

If you pick something up and it turns out to be plastic,  you have to keep it and throw it away.

Don't keep every good thing you find.

Don't keep glass that isn't ripe yet.

When weeding a collection, return items to the same beach.

Never leave without taking some trash.

Go when the sun is lower in the sky.

Sit down and think about something else.  Sometimes this is when you find something amazing.

The more you look, the more you will find.

You will find what you are meant to find.

Pay attention to animal/bird footprints.  Look near them.

The water sometimes makes strange noises, especially if your back is turned.

If you hear voices in the waves, something is nearby.

~

                                                      Rose Island, Newport, RI --- July 2023

Owned by a Liar



Allegedly, the ocotillo fence surrounding Tombstone’s Boothill Cemetery is 150 years old; however, everything in this town that purports to be fact is suspect.  Even though this cemetery was brought back from ruin in the 1920s (having been abandoned in about 1884,) it turns out that a few of the markers are actually characters from a novel that was popular at the time!!  So, we know that at least some license was taken.

I took a picture of Mrs. Stump’s resting place, because it was one of only a few enclosed by a fence.  Mrs. Stump died during childbirth after being given an overdose of chloroform by the doctor.  For the small fee of $3 (because even corpses must earn their keep in Tombstone) you may enter the famous old cemetery.  The same guy who claims the cactus fence is 150 years old will hand you a brochure describing the more than 250 graves, often including details about lives and deaths of the inhabitants.

The cemetery includes a Chinese section, because even Tombstone had a Chinatown (one block) during its heyday.  I didn't know about the Jewish section, far down at the bottom of the hill and not featured in the guide pamphlet, until after we had left the town far behind.  At Boothill Cemetery, you can check out any time you like, but you can’t never leave unless you first pass through the gift shop, because it’s the only exit.

Below in the town, the municipal parking lot for visitors is across from Schieffelin Hall, which was once the 'high class' opera house in town, the respectable alternative to places such as the Bird Cage, where ladies of the evening were displayed in 'cages,' balconies above the barroom floor where curtains could be drawn when a private customer climbed the back stairway to visit.  It is here that a sneaky storm cloud of foreboding quietly settles.  Crossing Fremont Street and heading down 3rd, you pass in front of what was once the Wells Fargo horse corral, but now hosts a Sarsaparilla stand; on the opposite side of the street, where you walk, is a dusty town park in what was once a blacksmith's yard.  A hysterically-laughing man, alone, swings on a swing to the highest point possible.  

Everything in Tombstone costs money.  10 bucks gets you a ticket to the super weird gunfight, a peek into the Tombstone Epitaph (newspaper) museum and its antique printing presses, and other displays such as the creepy “lifelike figures” in their proper positions standing in the dust of what was once the OK Corral.  Several times a day, on an artificial set just yards away from where it really happened, performers reenact the gunfight at the OK Corral in front of a very vocal audience.  We arrived about 30 minutes before the last fight of the day, when reenactors representing the Earp brothers and Doc Holliday took to Allen Street (still unpaved and lined with wooden sidewalks) where they strolled up and down, yelling last call to any tourists who still wanted tickets.

Also included in your $10 fee is the opportunity to visit the recreated prostitute’s crib. It’s a little more cozy and charming than I would imagine most of the 6th Street cribs really were back in the day, with rose pink walls, a flowered pitcher and wash bowl, and a rumpled patchwork quilt on the iron bedframe. 

The crib also hosts a display related to chemical/medical use and misuse by these unfortunate women; laudanum, mixed with whiskey, was widely abused by prostitutes, who felt that it made their existence more tolerable.  Laudanum’s popularity in the Victorian era was partly due to the fact that it offered a private alternative to publicly visiting opium dens.  Carbolic acid was used to prevent venereal disease.  These and other ‘medicines’ of the time often led to the deaths of those who used them.  

Reflected in the mirror above the chamber pot is a portrait of Kate, the long-time girlfriend of Doc Holliday.  Although she was well-educated, and (disputably) had a privileged upbringing as the daughter of the personal physician to Mexican emperor Maximilian I, she too had a history as a soiled dove.  Upon the couple's  arrival in Tombstone, Kate became proprietress of a successful saloon; their always-rocky relationship soon worsened and ended for good following the infamous gunfight, which forever changed (or ended) the lives of all involved.

Kate's saloon is still where it has always been.  Outside on the boards, between the saloon and the site of the 1880s barbershop/bathhouse, is a convenient bench for people-watching.  Modern cowboy fantasists walk past, spurs a-jingle.  Across Allen Street, Tombstone's version of an itinerant busker is dressed as a Kachina, fully absorbed in a warbling, drumming, jangling dance of his own sacred composition.


There is supposed to be an Apache curse on the town, ensuring that no two white people can live in peace there.  I only learned this after our visit, while researching possible reasons for all the strange negative energy I felt there.  

Yes. There really is a crazy enormous rose tree in a courtyard behind the corner of Fourth and Toughnut Streets. Buildings/walls have been constructed around this end of the block to hide any view of the tree, but for a mere 10 dollars you can pass through these doors and enter into the presence of the rose tree. I know it's there because you can see it on Google Earth.

Schieffelin Hall, at the corner of Discord and Misery. "You'll find nothing there but your tombstone!"

"A mine is a hole in the ground owned by a liar." -Mark Twain 


940


Picnic Man

From an old family photo.  Subject/date unknown.
Picture I know nothing about, maybe 1920s.  A bright sunny day in a clearing with trees in the background, looks like a line of trees with another clearing, field, or roadway behind.  A group of people wearing various hats is gathered under the trees, and a child in white sits near an old car parked under the trees.
A man near the edge of the clearing is holding a partly-folded cloth that reflects the sun.
In the foreground, facing sideways/diagonal to the camera, stands a man in a white suit and dark hat.  His entire face is in shadow and his hands are clenched loosely at his sides.  He wears shiny, dark leather shoes.  He stands on thin grass in sandy soil, in a well-trodden part of the clearing.  He's wearing a tie, and something soft is wadded in the pocket of his suit jacket.  A bandana or tobacco pouch, maybe.

My question for the world around me:  Is there something you're not telling me?

FOR SALE

_________

FOR SALE
_________

Make us an offer!
_________

Conveniently and perfectly situated for loafing, lounging, doing nothing, puttering in the garden, fishing, beach combing, and forgetting about work except on Mondays through Fridays when you have to go to it, and on "scary Sunday" afternoons.

Enjoy breeze from all directions:  the salty south, the balmy Atlantic storms of early fall, watered-down winter from the West and tame little nor'easters filtered through the forests of Pennsylvania and Southern New Jersey, the overpowering perfume of your neighbors ultra-strength laundry detergent, and sometimes all of these at once!

If you like people, you will love the influx of fast-driving Southern Pennsylvanians and day-trippers from the countryside all around that begins on Memorial Day weekend and ends when the kids go back to school.   Emergency response vehicles will scream up and down the street several times a week to attend to drunken or careless beachgoers and boaters.

If you don't like people, you will be happy to know that as fall wears on, transients leave for Florida soon after the geese come back.  Now you can breathe a sigh of relief and take back the beach, streets, and alleyways for twilight dog walks. 

You never know what you might find, see, or hear on each short walk or trip into the yard.

They don't build them like this any more.  Solid wood balloon framing, topped by a pyramid- shaped attic space with dormers facing all directions: north, south, east, west, heaven, and hell.  Crumbly plaster and lathe, coated with ancient wallpaper, coated with paint for extra stability.  On a stormy night, the wind will make ghostly howls as it seeps between the cracks and crevices and tries to get in through the old coal chimney.  An airy covered porch on two sides will roast you only on late summer afternoons and shade you the rest of the time, and is not screened and therefore will not protect you from flies and mosquitoes.  Speaking of coal, you can find it right here in the yard, especially beside the back door and near the garage.  Jackpot!

Don't ask us about the basement, because we don't know.

The fenced yard will allow your dogs and cats unfettered hunting of squirrels and rabbits.  Have unhurried conversations with your dearest, most annoying friends and family members, hateful or suspicious neighbors, and quirky folk, and the various neighborhood cats, squirrels, owls, vultures, and mockingbirds who return to the same nesting places in your yard and neighborhood year after year.  The people who live here are lucky and unlucky, depending upon their outlook day to day.

The Knot

The Knot

You learn that death is inevitable and final.
You learn that death happens after harm to the body, either from illness, trauma, or age.
You learn the importance of care during illness, from close relatives, friends, doctors or nurses.

You are sick a lot as a child, mainly with allergies leading to respiratory illness.

Thinking about infinity too intently causes panic.
Thinking too much about time passing causes anxiety.  (Dust in the wind.)
Fear of illness (and by extension, death) causes anxiety.

Because you realize that it's important (vital!) to have people who care about you around you, you seek security in your relationships with people, starting with your family, but extending to friends and other people outside the home.  You strive to be cooperative, friendly, funny and interesting.  A people-pleaser.
This doesn't always guarantee harmony between you and the world.  These times of disharmony cause anxiety and sometimes panic, so you try to avoid any situation where you risk not fitting in or disappointing someone, or embarrassing yourself.

Find the flaws in this 'logic' and break the spell.

6/20

Schedule

Across-the-street owls began hooting at 6:52 p.m. last night.

Letting Go

Today, I sent one of my essays out to seek its fortune.  The Howard County Tragedy, without its postscript, has been 'given' to Belmont, the house about which it was written.

I feel excited; I feel satisfied that it has gone where it needs to 'live', even if only in the digital and/or paper files of the current administrators of the estate.  Hopefully it will be shared, and others will be reminded of people who have lived and died, and momentous events which have taken place, in the space they now occupy.  Maybe they will experience the awareness of layers of time and events which can inhabit a geographic space.

On the other hand, I am experiencing that annoying feeling that it could have been more effectively written, that it should have had a better ending that brought it full-circle, that the reader will have questions which I didn't fully answer.  I will work on these things.  How do you know when a piece is finished?  How do you, or should you even, resist the urge to tweak and refine a piece of writing every single time you read it over?  I've printed out a copy of the submitted essay, and I'm going to start listing and tweaking and refining anew.  That way, on the off-chance that someone requests its use somewhere in the future, I may have the opportunity to add improvements.

Fare well, little essay.

10/14/15

Discipline

It continues to be a challenge to schedule time for writing, and to stick to that schedule.  I know that if I had the self-discipline to honor the commitments I make to myself, so many things in my life, not just writing, would go much more smoothly.

Growing up, I always had morning and evening routines.  These were fostered and encouraged in my house because, well, it's good parenting!  As soon as I had children of my own, my natural tendency to follow certain routines started to disintegrate as I became almost completely focused on taking care of small children, and establishing routines around their needs.  My own needs, for food, rest, and things like showers came last.  When the kids were older, and I returned to work, it became even more complicated, since they now had school needs and obligations to contend with, and I had to be somewhere else for a huge chunk of each day, performing a whole new set of duties in a timely and efficient way.  You would think that now, when both daughters are in their twenties and haven't even been fully resident at home since 2008, I would have been able to reestablish efficient routines for myself, but that has not been the case.

Somewhere along the line, in those days of raising small children, I necessarily had to take a new attitude about obligations and expectations in general.  I was diagnosed with clinical depression, which forced me to focus not only on my children's needs, but on my own physical and psychological  self-care.  Obligations to others and activities outside the home took their places at the end of the line, to be met or participated in when I was feeling 'up to it.'  It has turned out that the tendency toward depression is chronic, and will require treatment and consideration, most likely, for the rest of my life.  I tend to want to avoid social situations, but on another level I also crave social connection and company.  The tug and tension between these two feelings is something that is always present.

As a result of all of the above, I have become used to thinking of everything as being flexible and malleable, subject to the needs, whims and feelings of the moment.  (to be continued)


Dreams of My Grandparents

Bottles, seashells, artifacts on the beach.  Dark and dusty interiors.  Jumbled and neglected kitchen.  Desks and attic spaces full of old papers and household items.  A cold feeling in the back of my skull, and the shade of my grandfather or grandmother somewhere nearby.

3/14/16



Saga

We barely know it, but every day each one of us is fully engaged in steering the course of the universe. Or swept up in the tide of the universe. Or both.

4/26/16

Dreams

2/19/00

I woke up in the middle of the night and it was light out.  The sun was in the west.  It was very warm and flowers in the garden were sprouting and growing.

Went to the beach (ocean beach, not ours) to look for shells and rocks and stuff.  Instead found books scattered about.  Old books, sandy and some damp, all over the beach.  Browsed through like at a library.  Picked up Ernest Hemingway small green old with gold seashells on the front.

Dreamed that in the woods behind my parents' house there was a steep hill.  When you climbed to the top you were on Kent Street in Chestertown (the street with the pink & purple house.)  Oh, good, now we can walk to the library!

Pulling beech trees out of the ground.



1/14/98

Parked in old historic town - to tour some houses.  History of slavery and cruelty.
Back formal garden.  White flowers.  Torture re-enactment - large swinging crane-like structure.  I am afraid I'm going to get hit by it - "Only a fool would be here."
Back to the house.  Remember descending into lower floor of a side wing of the house, a pale blue room.  Haunted.  The Blue Boy room.  Very strong presence - I am afraid.  There's a door in this room and once you exit you cannot return.  I do not exit.  He is alive - "And who is this?"  Leo. Angelo.

Angelo is the father. Leo is the son - who always gets called by his father's name.

Gnat

The wayward gnat will soon discover that a candle is different than a lightbulb.

7/24/17

Oct. 16

In a gloomy cul-de-sac, wishing for the impossible.

Oscar Chandler

5/13/16  Foxes' Den Near House / Mr. O.M. Chandler, Missing Poultry, Finds Den of Foxes Near His Door. It is not given to every one to have the denizens of the woods come within a few feet of their front door to rear their young, but such was the experience of Mr. O. M. Chandler, who lives on the Peters' farm, on the bay, a few miles from Snow Hill.
Mr. Chandler had frequently missed fowl from his barnyard and poultry house, a setting hen being sometimes taken, sometimes the eggs, and in some instances both hen and eggs would disappear.
At last, one afternoon about two weeks ago he discovered a red fox busily engaged in tearing to pieces and making a meal off of one of his big fat hens.  This gave him a clew to the disappearance of his poultry, and he called on Mr. George Smack, his neighbor, to assist him in hunting down the marauders.  Accordingly, Mr. Smack took his pack of hounds to Peters farm that afternoon.  The hounds easily found the trail, and followed it over devious and winding ways, until it was lost near the house.  They were put on the trail again and again, but on every occasion the dogs lost the trail at or near the same place.  Mr. Smack finally became convinced that the fox had a den somewhere near the barnyard.
A thorough search was made of the premises, with the view to discovering the den of the fox.  With characteristic cunning the foxes had used the ventilator of the old hot bed, crawling through it a distance of nearly 150 feet.  The ventilator, which was boxed, was so narrow that once inside it the fox scarcely had room to turn around, but would have to go forward, or back out.  The end of the ventilator nearest the house was closed, and here, at a distance of about 200 feet from his door, the foxes had burrowed in the ground, and were boldly rearing their young. feeding them on the fat of the land from Mr. Chandler's hen roosts, or from any vantage point they could effect a capture.
The female fox and three cubs were found in the den, and Mr. Smack has them in captivity.  The cubs are thought to be from four to six weeks old.

Lost and Found

(Note:  this article was written in December of 2023 for the winter/spring issue of Washington College Magazine.)   (Headline) Lost by a tee...